I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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