i jhust puked up my retainher.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
