$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
