the new term for farting is butt boxing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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