dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
