Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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