We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
