were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My vagina just clenched in fear
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
