he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Bring me that man meat
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
