I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
