after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
