At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
