You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize