it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize