I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
