You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Who did Billy Mays play for?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
