So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
