Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My bed smells like the plague
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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