i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
