So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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