We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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