I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
