I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
