I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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