I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
