ADVERTISEMENT

• (773): View more from Illinois

  so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse

  Fav 9 942 4449

  share tweet
  

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.

  Fav 49 2693 4972

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.

  Fav 13 6158 1531

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  im not talking about this

  Fav 10 1259 3857

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once

  Fav 3 5391 1208

  share tweet
  

• (312): View more from Illinois

  I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy

  Fav 7 3173 1430

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (540): View more from Virginia

  The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...

  Fav 9 4212 1391

  share tweet
  

• (440): View more from Ohio

  Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?

  Fav 6 1810 1343

  share tweet
  

• (739): View more from

  IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING

  Fav 4 525 279

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.

  Fav 1 480 315

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.

  Fav 1 192 258

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Damn victory sex feels great

  Fav 1 75 7

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.

  Fav 0 28 26

  share tweet
  

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'

  Fav 0 42 9

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (804): View more from Virginia

  I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way

  Fav 0 154 29

  share tweet
  

Randomize