I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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