I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
