Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
