youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize