happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
