Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Text me some of your sweat
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
