Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
