im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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