Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize