remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
