I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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