why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This house was built for laser tag.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
