i always forget guys have bellybuttons
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
