im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Alive.
So much puke
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
