just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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