I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I need water and some morals
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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