oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Welp...herpes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Is it penis luge time yet?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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