erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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