my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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