we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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