i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
