I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize