I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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