Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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