i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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