can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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