i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it was like having sex with a tree stump
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You pole danced in your parka.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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