The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
