She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
