I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
