i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
