I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
