that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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