i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
