How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
