I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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