You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
