I met the friendliest cop last night
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
