I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my poor anus
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
