Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
