glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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