I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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