I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
