It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
