I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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