I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
