you guys were way drunker than both of me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
