I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
